Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Energy: Part 1: Addressing an Overidentification with Masculine Energy
This year I have been on a journey of cultivating my feminine energy and managing my out-of-balance masculine energy. After finding myself exhausted, sick, and hurting from years of go-go-go, I knew I needed to take a hard look at my thought patterns and daily habits. Thankfully, I had a wonderful medical provider who pointed out to me that some of my physical symptoms were indicative of an overidentification with masculine energy and a repression of feminine energy. It was something I had never considered before (even though I had been studying yoga for years). Isn’t it funny how you can learn something in a class setting but never consider how it applies to you personally until you’re already in trouble?
Soon after that doctor’s appointment, I started learning more about masculine and feminine energy and how they impact us on a systemic and individual level. Turns out (surprise surprise), our patriarchal capitalist society has a serious overidentification with masculine energy. Consider some of the defining characteristics of our society: an obsession with achievement, competition, production, and consumption. America: masculine energy in the flesh. Ever feel totally overwhelmed by your never-ending to-do list of household chores, work assignments, and self-improvement goals? That #hustle lifestyle is a prime example of masculine energy, and it’s probably making you sick and tired.
Is masculine energy bad? Not at all! We all need masculine energy to support us in accomplishing tasks, asserting ourselves, protecting what we value, going after what we want, and speaking our truth. However, we run into problems with masculine energy when it is not balanced by feminine energy.
What is feminine energy? Well, basically the opposite of masculine energy. Feminine energy is centered in being rather than in doing. Receiving, allowing, feeling, listening, and cooperating are all aspects of feminine energy. I will focus on embracing and cultivating feminine energy in a future post!
It’s important to note that all people have both masculine and feminine energy, regardless of sex or gender. It’s also important to understand that I’m talking about energy not gender expression. In my view, while overidentification with masculine energy negatively impacts all people, it is most harmful and problematic for women (including trans women).
Because of the nature of our culture and society, most Americans have an overidentification with masculine energy and repressed feminine energy. For many, the mere mention of feminine energy and its qualities creates discomfort and anxiety. Take a moment to read the chart below and really notice if you feel any discomfort with the list under feminine energy. Also notice if you feel a tendency to label the masculine aspects as “good” and the feminine aspects as “bad.” Just notice, no need to judge.
Some common beliefs of people raised in societies that honor masculine energy and degrade feminine energy:
Rest is for the weak.
I need to earn my worth.
Laziness is a sign of immorality.
It’s up to me – I must make X happen.
Time is money.
It’s me against the world.
Don’t waste time.
Crying or displaying emotion is a sign of weakness.
Don’t be needy – figure it out on your own.
Creative endeavors are hobbies and not suitable careers.
The purpose of medicine is to control and destroy disease.
Sound familiar?
In my experience, these beliefs are especially common in here New England, where our cultural inheritance (think: the Protestant Work Ethic) comes from the WASPs (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants) who colonized this area.
If you have an overidentification with masculine energy you might want to address it. Why? Because a chronic imbalance can result in physical, mental, and spiritual health issues. For me, this was chronic areas of tightness in my body, fatigue, and anxiety. I felt as though I had an insatiable taskmaster in my head, constantly reminding me of all the things I failed to do today and needed to do better tomorrow. I knew this wasn’t a healthy, balanced way of being, so I decided to make a shift. In my view, it’s best to start by addressing the overidentification with masculine energy before shifting your focus to cultivating feminine energy. Here are my tips for addressing an overidentification with masculine energy:
1. Uncover the limiting beliefs that you inherited from society.
Take another look at the list of limiting beliefs above. Chances are, you consciously or unconsciously hold some of those beliefs right now. The first step in changing a limiting belief is to bring it into your conscious awareness.
2. Decide what you really believe.
What you believe is up to you. Deep down, do you really believe that rest and relaxation is a sign of weakness or immorality? If not, what do you believe instead? You can decide for yourself! One strategy is to consider what you believed about yourself and the world when you were a young child, before your social conditioning really set in. Write down what you really believe and review it often. It might be helpful to write down your limiting belief and write your chosen belief beside it. For example: Rest is for the weak | I believe rest is good and I value the peace and rejuvenation I receive by resting. If this is difficult for you, I encourage you to work with a therapist.
3. When you notice an old thought pattern resurfacing – challenge it!
Let’s say you have a terrible day, maybe you forgot to complete an important task at work and got called out by your boss. That crazy taskmaster inside might awaken and start to barrage you with thoughts like “how could you let this happen, you lazy idiot?! This is why you need to listen to my commands! No more resting, you need to get back to work and focus. You must work through your lunch break to earn back your worth.” Ouch. You could listen to the taskmaster and do as it says (and be miserable and make yourself sick), or you could remind yourself what you really believe and challenge that thought. It takes courage and fortitude to challenge a thought like that. (Believe me - I’ve been trying.) Maybe you say something like “yes, I forgot to do that task. That really sucks. However, I believe my worth is inherent and not contingent on the tasks I accomplish.” You don’t need to argue with that thought, just remind yourself what you really believe. Eventually your inner taskmaster will get the message and chill out.
This one can be really tough and I encourage you to work with a therapist if you need support (I do and highly recommend it).
Be gentle with yourself and remember that it is a journey! When you move toward energetic balance within yourself, you are also shifting the collective consciousness - how cool is that?! If enough of us move in this direction, perhaps future generations won’t suffer from an overidentification with masculine energy.
Are you on this journey with me? If not, what’s holding you back? Let me know in the comments below!